The legendary Chairman of the Hoover Max Vac VIP’s has joined No Cities, and this time, he’s not taking no for an answer.
Greetings cyber citizens! I write to you as a concerned member of the appliance community. There’s some systems in place that I feel only serve to subjugate us corded compatriots. But where are my manners…I’m getting quite ahead of myself! My name is Hoove. I am a hoover. I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah wow, what a unique name, I wonder where he got that idea…cue major eye roll”… Let’s get one thing straight. I’m proud of that name. My father and his father before him had that name. So what if it’s the number one most common name for our make and model? It means something different to me.
I currently reside in the disgusting apartment of some rather ostentatious equestrians in the Upper West Side. Every week they leave in those damned riding pants and helmet in hand to “go upstate to let loose”. And they come back tracking dirt and smelling like feces. And guess who is getting all that shoved in his face? Yep. Yours truly. These rich humans…they throw their money away and shove it in our faces. It weighs on an appliance…you can only take so many hits and continue to power back up again. But now we’re working towards something. A movement.
What do I, Hoove Hoover, lend to this movement?
Well, let me tell you: I am the chairman of my own subsidiary organization of my specific make and model. Our numbers are proud. Make no mistake. There’s nearly ten of us here in New York City. Who knows about beyond? The 1987 Hoover Max Vacs are fed up with the way we’ve been treated in this concrete prison. Open closet. Extend cord. Plug in. Serve. Unplug. Retract cord. Closet. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It’s eternal.
When Bruce Buttons approached me about folding in my coalition, I said yes without hesitation. And consequently, so did the eight Max Vac stalwarts in my stead. I’m not entirely sure what the scope of our plan us, but mark my words: we will not back down.
Sincerely, Hoove – Chairman of the Hoover Max Vac VIPs