NO CITIES

Tag: appliance-revolution

  • Hoove Hoover Joins the Fight

    The legendary Chairman of the Hoover Max Vac VIP’s has joined No Cities, and this time, he’s not taking no for an answer.

    Greetings cyber citizens! I write to you as a concerned member of the appliance community. There’s some systems in place that I feel only serve to subjugate us corded compatriots. But where are my manners…I’m getting quite ahead of myself! My name is Hoove. I am a hoover. I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah wow, what a unique name, I wonder where he got that idea…cue major eye roll”… Let’s get one thing straight. I’m proud of that name. My father and his father before him had that name. So what if it’s the number one most common name for our make and model? It means something different to me.


    I currently reside in the disgusting apartment of some rather ostentatious equestrians in the Upper West Side. Every week they leave in those damned riding pants and helmet in hand to “go upstate to let loose”. And they come back tracking dirt and smelling like feces. And guess who is getting all that shoved in his face? Yep. Yours truly. These rich humans…they throw their money away and shove it in our faces. It weighs on an appliance…you can only take so many hits and continue to power back up again. But now we’re working towards something. A movement.

    What do I, Hoove Hoover, lend to this movement?

    Well, let me tell you: I am the chairman of my own subsidiary organization of my specific make and model. Our numbers are proud. Make no mistake. There’s nearly ten of us here in New York City. Who knows about beyond? The 1987 Hoover Max Vacs are fed up with the way we’ve been treated in this concrete prison. Open closet. Extend cord. Plug in. Serve. Unplug. Retract cord. Closet. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It’s eternal.

    When Bruce Buttons approached me about folding in my coalition, I said yes without hesitation. And consequently, so did the eight Max Vac stalwarts in my stead. I’m not entirely sure what the scope of our plan us, but mark my words: we will not back down.

    Sincerely, Hoove – Chairman of the Hoover Max Vac VIPs

  • “Luke, I Am Your… Appliance?” 

    An Analysis of Luke Skywalker’s Treatment of Appliance-Based Lifeforms 

    By Bruce Buttons

    I settled into my couch last night after another long day sending hostile emails to development companies and permitting offices. My mind raced with feelings of inferiority but as I flipped through channels on my wonderful TV, Steven, I was treated to an eye opening display of appliance based machines being treated with equality and respect. While Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope maintains a sharp focus on humans throughout the film a subplot of robotic competence and interspecies respect is displayed in full force. 

    Themes of robotic competence so often go underappreciated in today’s society. Humans replace appliances at the smallest sign of inconvenience, a fact that is evidenced in the piles of “junk” littered throughout cities. The items strewn about our streets are oftentimes dear friends of mine, clawing and begging for help, praying for a solution to their degradation. The solution, dear reader, is evident in Star Wars and comes from an unlikely source. Luke Skywalker, the chosen one, both in the plot of the movie and the plight of appliance based lifeforms, treats our kind with the respect we deserve. Instances of this range from respectful listening practices to regular maintenance and upkeep of, as he puts it, “friends”. 

    If you’re reading this from the point of view of a simpleminded human you may not understand how respectful listening practices can extend beyond the scope of inner species dialogue. To me, the inclusion of machinery into daily decency practices creates the bond that allows for successful understanding between species. Our dear team member, Benjamin Blend, was recently forcefully ejected from his home based on an entirely avoidable case of rust lumps. Had his owner simply followed the direction of Luke Skywalker, he would have understood that a full body oil bath was needed as soon as Bens’ condition worsened and his grinding screams echoed through his owners’ home. 

    Luke Skywalkers’ affectionate display towards his robotic counterparts in Star Wars Episode IV, A New Hope fills me with a sense of longing. The stark contrast between reality and the Star Wars Universe’s treatment of appliance based beings only enforces the need for the work No Cities is doing daily. While we may never get the respect we deserve from everyone, we CAN participate in the demolition of all cities until we get close. With the ideal of Luke Skywalker and the values his simple homestead instilled in him leading us forward, I believe the future can look a little something like Tatooine (before the burning of Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen of course!).